So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
