mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we made out on top of his cat.
she looked like the before picture.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
