Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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