So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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