i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
