Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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