I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
