She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
