the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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