you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
