Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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