It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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