Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
