woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
