I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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