You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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