Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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