I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
