My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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