i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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