So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
