I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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