The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize