I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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