i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
