She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
