This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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