I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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