so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
