I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
