talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
