so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
