recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
