just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
