I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
