I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
