You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
