I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
