The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's always time for handjobs
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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