It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
