i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
