I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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