youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
