if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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