True but thats because hes a fetus.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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