Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
