these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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