the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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