We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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