If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
