It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize