I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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