If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
