we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
