Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
