I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
