I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
