today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
