i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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