I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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