covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
