You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
