This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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