guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
