Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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