the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
