sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
