That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
