I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
