she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
