She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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