I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
