She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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