i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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